The stupid things I do that cannot be undone

Waiting is awful but not knowing is the worst part.

I am this close to freaking out and calling my mom (even though I just talked to her, or more of, she just scolded me -- "Oo nga, hindi mo nga kailangang magbigay pero sana wag ka na manghingi!" Hello SG, bye savings.) as I usually do when I'm feeling like crap but this is something that I cannot ever consult with her because she might just kill me even before I finish my sentence. I hate the fact that my motto, freak out and call mom, cannot be applied in this situation that I am in right now.

Regrets and mistakes, not memories made.

Anyway, in line with my freak out and call mom frame of mind right now, here is an interesting story about Keep Calm and Carry On. Repeat 'til imbibed by the body, soul, and mind: Keep Calm and Carry On.

Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Calm and Carry On.

Next post about the awesome Deltan Ball.

21 before I'm 21

So yes, I already am 21. But I feel like there is a hell lot more that I need to do, to say, to experience, to feel before I can finally claim that I am 21.

I always say that I am prematurely growing old and up -- faster than the supposed, one step before everyone else -- and it is not at all a good thing. I still don't know what I want and often times I find myself asking, "WTF am I doing here?" More often than not, I regret that I didn't leave as soon as I could, or that I didn't say what I should have. Whut, where did that come from?

Anyway, as if I don't have enough pressures on myself already, here are some stuff that I believe I should do, say, experience, and/or feel first before I can finally say that I am 21.

1. Drive.
2. Fly alone.
3. Read a classic.
4. Attend a concert of a local artist.
5. Fall so passionately in love with something.
6. Volunteer, for real.
7. Read the Philippine Constitution.
8. Wear a bikini to the beach.
9. Watch a movie in black and white.
10. Be inspired by a talk.
11. Engage in a sport.
12. Change hair color.
13. Cut hair short or have it permed.
14. Wear heels during the day.
15. Buy a gadget.
16. Find a "creative" hobby.
17. Craft.
18. Cook.
19. Reread and put to heart the Magna Carta of Women.
20. Get a tat.
21. Get so furiously mad.

Expect that this list will change. Or not. And be forgotten. Like last night's thoughts and wants.

The obligatory birthday post in lieu of the International Women's Day

I (finally) turned 21 last Sunday and the way I celebrated that day had me thinking and looking in an all new perspective.

21 days before I turned 21, I was planning to throw a kiddie party for some children in Subic. Unfortunately, my academic schedule (and steep bank account) would not permit me to do so, so I thought of having the day to myself. I have been trying to look for silent retreats, days of cleansing, all other activities just so I could feel the "surreal" but none would ever fit into my calendar.

And then I realized, why all these pressure to do something worthwhile and memorable on my birthday? Am I really celebrating the fact that I am just/already 21 years old?

I have got no freakin' answer for any of my freakin' questions so I stopped thinking and flowed with life until the clock stroke 12, March 4 while I was in a car with my sorority sisters, driving along Katipunan Extension, looking for a good place to drink and meet people. Why don't we just stop at that? Let us not discuss further what went on after 12 midnight. I can say this though: my family brought me to a place where there is not much vegetarian choices for my birthday lunch. So much for making it my day.

So what was my point again when I started writing this? Oh yes, I'm 21, I always feel so pressured to celebrate my birthday, I put high expectations on people who never fail to disappoint, and I am nowhere far from the person that I was when I was 20, aka March 3.

But this is not to be ingrata. If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you would see how thankful I am to the universe, to all these people in my life, and to myself for making me the happiest that I have ever been (or so I think). It's really just that birthdays now feel like they are just for kids.

Birthdays are overrated. Violence against women (children and the environment) is not. Here's to hoping that we make everyday women's day. Now where did that come from.