I was supposed to. But.

I was supposed to write about how my preference to only date people with cars does not go against my being a "feminist", but then again that really isn't necessarily true and from whatever point-of-view I would only look like a superficial and materialistic person (untrue), even with arguments like how women have always been objectified ever since the beginning of time and it is about time that we all play in a level field, how patriarchy has acculturated gender-specific forms of violence to this society so intricately that some people do not even realize that they are committing such a crime and a car can protect me from such (because I don't have one at the moment, the person I will be dating should considering the sense of partnership that we shall have), and how I value my personal space so much and thoroughly sharing it with a person that I would like to be intimate with is just not possible in public transportation.

I was supposed to stop at some point in that paragraph and put some period or semi-colons but I like long, poorly-constructed sentences, and honestly I never know when or where to stop.

I was supposed to finish all my academic and professional backlog last weekend but I chose to pamper myself, party like I was still in college, and have a piercing headache the day after. I do not regret choosing to have fun, at all. Note to self: I will not, ever.

I was supposed to be a good friend but instead I was mean and kind of said some bad stuff behind someone's back and got busted. I regret this and I will never stop regretting this.

I was supposed to be on a strict diet because my tummy's getting back to its old self again but then there's Sicillian Pizza in my building now and their White Cheese pizza is something I can eat until I die. And how can anyone stop eating potato chips and nutella? This, I have to learn how to regret.

I was supposed to hold an event today but then again life happens and instead I'm choosing not to do anything.

But when the going gets tough, the tough posts pictures. Say whut.

From Click D' Fun Photobooth. Pictures are arranged chronologically, or more of from we just had dinner to yes we're getting tipsy and eventually to I do not remember this picture at all.

From Kapao Design and Photography, our official photographer. Same arrangement of pictures. SMITTEN: Rekindle the Love, our sorority's annual college party was seriously epic. And I'm not trying to make buhat our own bangko. No, not conyo.

Situations.

Obviously, I have follow through issues.

I have abandoned this blog for almost a month just because. I have been meaning to write but it's just so easier to dodge these voices inside my head. I probably have abandonment issues and I blame my herstory for it.

Moving forward -- my honeymoon life phase is over. After two months of utmost happiness and contentment, I am done with feeling happy and giddy all day, everyday. It doesn't mean I've suddenly turned ingrata though; I am still very much thankful and forever grateful for all the blessings that have been poured down on me lately and all suddenly by this great universe. It's just that I know now (and have accepted the fact) that it can't be Christmas everyday and that's alright because there are always those little things that we can all be happy about every now and then.

So why the urge to write today?

Because I just can't stop, at least not anymore. I am such an avoider and I have this perfect notion of life that when something effs up, I go the other way. No, that cannot and would not happen anymore. Plus I have all these feelings, and if there's one true thing about me and writing, it's that I produce quality outputs when I'm feeling everything.

So from crazy happy blog to dramafest again? No, I will not allow that.
So why am I still rambling and talking to myself? I don't know. Maybe I just want to put up some transition post or something.

But on other things, I just started with the General Motors diet today to cleanse out my system from all those bad carbs and fats that have accumulated in my body for the past couple of weeks. I badly need to jumpstart my healthy living again and this is the way to do it. So dear friends, if anyone of you is reading this, please do not tempt me.

Also, I just scheduled an appointment with I Do Nails today so let's all look forward to that. I shall post pictures, yay.

Lastly, I must write about how my being a "feminist" does not go against my preference to only date guys with cars and my emo feelings on being alone in this holiday season aka cuddle climate.

Did I just really schedule the things that I should write about? Blogging is not your job, Erika. You're supposed to enjoy this stuff.

Forever young

Before anything else, I just really need to share this: guess whose first PR for work got picked up by Manila Times today? http://www.manilatimes.net/index.php/news/top-stories/11005-more-young-pinays-take-to-smoking--tobacco-study

I'm a very happy and superbly thankful kid.

----

Today I had my first class for the semester which was on women and work with no less than the Prof. Judy Taguiwalo. So imagine my surprise when the class discussion suddenly became a conversation about my family.

Ma'am Judy: Saan ang probinsya mo, Erika?
Erika: Sa Zambales po, Subic.
Monica: Magkababayan tayo. Cabangan naman side ng father ko.
Erika: Yung side po ng mom ko, Deveraturda, originally from Iba.
Monica: Kaano-ano mo si Dennis Deveraturda?
Erika: Tito ko po. Second eldest nila mommy.
Monica: Mother ko yung nagsulat ng article tungkol sa kanya!
Ma'am Judy: Dennis Deveraturda? Kasabayan ko yun! May mga pictures pa nya ko.*

I have spent a lot of time writing about my crazy antics, random adventures, and passing thoughts. It's about time I write something that is actually worth somebody's time.

I never met Tito Dennis. Everything that I know about him I only got from the stories of the clan. All that I am sure of is that he was one of the reasons why it was not an easy decision for me to choose UP over the others.

Luckily, Google knows him better. He was one of those who "lost their lives in the night when they were in the cusp of youth and did not get to see the breaking of dawn."** He was a champion of and for the farmers. He was studying Economics and was just 19 when he was killed in Botolan, Zambales. Google, however, does not have any real picture of my uncle.

DENNIS ROLANDO R. DEVERATURDA (1952 - 1972) of Subic, Zambales
For courageously joining, and later, generating and leading discussions with fellow college students at the University of the Philippines concerning the country's worsening political situation; For showing a wise regard for the role of ordinary people in the growing struggle, by bringing these academic discussions to his hometown Zambales, enlightening his provincemates through debates at plazas, hiking long kilometers and living with farmers and fishers in their village homes to elicit their views and participation in the struggle to resist abuses and defend civil rights; For giving and sacrificing his young and very short life, having his future snuffed out in his prime through assassination by constabulary soldiers. (from Bantayog ng mga Bayani)

It is overwhelming and heartwarming to see his name alongside Lorena Barros, Renato Constantino, and many, many very notable others.

I was never the UP student that he was. I wasted a big chunk of opportunities for learning and serving the people for trivial matters that I do not even remember now, at all. Nevertheless, wherever you are, Tito Dennis, please know that your death will not be for nothing. I, too, envision a society wherein the poor does not get poorer when the rich get richer; a country where women do not need to assert their own specific rights anymore because they we are also humans in the first place; a population who does not deprive their children of their youth through various exploitations; a nation who does not take the cost of destroyed natural resources for granted for a supposed misconception of development.

I may never be as brave as you were and my priorities can sometimes be crooked but I swear I'll never stop aiming to contribute, however little, to the realization of that vision that you had for this nation. But I can only try as much so feel free to give me a slight bump on the head whenever I go the wrong way.

"Gwapo yung si Dennis, matalino. He will be forever young."


* Conversation not verbatim. They had a lot of awesome things to say about Tito Dennis but my memory can only retain this much.
** Doyo, M.C.P. 2006. Munoz-Palma leads 10 Bantayog heroes. Philippine Daily Inquirer. Retrieved from http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20061130-35574/Mu%F1oz-Palma_leads_10_Bantayog_heroes

Last Friday night

@ Shang EDSA

@ Ronza

With Tin, my batchmate-slash-partner-in-crime-last-night, and our Archon Jella na DL sa Ateneo Law. Haha <3

I have not seen my sorority sisters in a while. Actually, I have not "gone out" in a long while. I threw my social life out of the window along with the bad carbs and fattening stuff of life. So last night, I was reminded of how awesome it is to be with the people that I can just be super comfortable with.

And this morning, I was reminded why I don't like drinking anymore. I woke up with a bad headache, kind of a sore throat, and aching body parts. Why do I feel like I'm too old for night outs already when in fact I'm just 20? The lola vibes are attacking again.

But then again, there were loads of awesome (however crazy) conversations last night that I wouldn't have wanted to miss for the world - from wonderful jobs, crushing on old men, dermatologists, our lives last year, being single, lovelife buraks, "hindi talaga binibigay lahat", to starting a family at 35.

And since the Bar Operations are coming next week, I'm sure there will be more of these fun with my sisters.

On other things, I have found another source of happines. Please allow me to gloat:

Hello first sem grades!

Yes, they aren't perfect but I never got grades as good as these when I was an undergrad. I mean at least not as consistent. Whatever, just let me be.

And it's another long weekend, baby! I'm actually heading off to Subic anytime soon. This weekend is going to be fattening but I don't mind because next week, I'm going to start boxing. Let's do this, self.

Lastly, happy Halloween everybody (although it's actually my least favorite occasion; I mean, why do you have to be scared or scare yourself?)! Have an awesome life, friends.

* First three photos from Tin Penia's facebook

Happiness is a state of mind

Hi. My name is Erika, I'm turning 21 eventually, and I am at the happiest that I have ever been in my entire life.

No, this isn't just one of those brief (and seldom) moments wherein I'm feeling so overjoyed one second then the next thing you know I'm a hot ball of mess. No, I am truly, generally, very happy (and grateful) with where I am in my life right now.

Well for one, my first semester in MAWD just (technically) ended today. I survived! I would very much like to talk about how these first five months of supposedly being a feminist completely overhauled the life that I have already been living for two decades but that's a whole other story deserving of a whole other blog post.

Anyways, during our short dinner-cum-celebration a while ago, my classmates told our professor that I finally have a real, full-time job. They started to ask questions so I eventually talked about it. Then that's when it hit me - I really have a job now. I have a job; I'm finally growing up.

2011 has not even ended yet and already it has brought a lot of changes in my life. Among these things: I graduated from college, enrolled myself to a graduate program specifically studying about women, realized my potential as a development advocate, actually thoroughly planned for my future, strengthened my faith and spiritual relationship, actually committed to a healthy lifestyle through diet and exercise, got a job that I really like, and allowed myself to feel again and be vulnerable.

It has not been an easy ride. I encountered a lot of self-doubt, uncertainty, frustrations, and lost hopes but the bumps along the way are more than worth all that I have right now. I am secure; I am truly happy. I have changed (hopefully for the better) and I would like to think that I am a lot closer to the self that I have been envisioning for a couple of years now.

But the problem with attaining such sense of being complete, of utmost happiness, is the what comes after. It's not necessarily about that pessimistic thinking that something bad might happen because there should be balance in nature. It's more of now that I'm here, what do I do next?

Hence the birth of this blog. If you'd search for my name through Google, at least ten pages of links of my social networking accounts will flood your screen. I can't say that I won't abandon this one just like how I abandoned the many others (commitment issues, another thing that I should write about in the future) but what the heck. Truth be told, I am at the happiest that I have ever been.