Sunday, February 26

The day I decided to go vegetarian

..was the day before I drank until 5 in the morning when I knew for a fact that I have a 9AM meeting the next day.  Wala lang. I just felt like I had to say it. Coffee's making me loco.

Anyway, main agenda: me going vegan.

FACT: It's the Lenten Season. What better sacrifice than abstain from meat, right? By meat, I mean animal meat -- fish, pig, chicken, cow, and the whole animal queendom. 
REALITY: I cannot give up chocolates, pastries, and coffee.
COMPROMISE: No meat but yes to dairy products. Eggs in pastries are okay, for now.

FACT: Animals have feelings, too. Did you know that hens teach their chicks already even when they're just eggs? The sad truth though is that most chicks don't get to meet their mommies anymore because humans eat a lot of them. How cannibalistic.
REALITY: It's the circle of life, according to us humans. *cue Lion King soundtrack*
COMPROMISE: "As we do to the least, so we do to Him." No compromise. Animals, too, have feelings.

FACT: I've been having a hard time trying to lose weight since the holidays.
REALITY: Most vegans are healthy and slim.
COMPROMISE: No compromise. No meat, yes to life.

I haven't made the 30-day pledge yet though. I'm still trying to look at all perspectives on vegetarianism -- faith, health facts, my commitment, my capabilities, my environment, etc. But I have not been eating meat since Friday and so far, it's making me happy.

All this started when I started fasting last Wednesday. And then I went to eat some pork last Thursday. It felt so weird. I then started to read about vegetarianism. My heart broke for all those harassed animals. And the rest, well, we'll find out.

I feel like this post is so sabog. Like me. Kthnxbye.

Last Friday night. I attended my first college org, KMS' 18th anniversary with my college batchmates. That's Mark (alter ego: Anton) right there: my super beki partner-in-crime, forever ma-drama soulmate. People, including my relatives, ask me a lot if we're together. He'd say "yuck" for sure.

Tuesday, February 21

Hey, dinner.

Lookie, lookie at my dinner!
This dinner is so wrong in so many levels.

I think I violated at least a dozen of my self-rules with this meal. For one, I used styro. And also, I took in what's probably more than a day's worth of calories. But all iz well. Actually, all that I'm thinking of now is why I didn't buy two peach mango pies.

All these fried, unhealthy food because tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which means Lent's starting aka it's time for fasting. Last year, I gave up rice and ended up not eating/wanting it up 'til now. This year, I'm giving up junk food (which I supposedly have given up already a few years ago) and fried food. I was supposed to give up fast food also but I realized I'm too financially unstable to do that. But yes, goodbye dear french fries. Goodbye fried chicken. Goodbye prawn tempura.

I'm also going full vegetarian every Friday and Sunday and tomorrow.

All these for stronger relationships, greater spirituality, better intuition, love, and peace of mind. You know, the higher things in life.

Monday, February 20

If you asked me to.

Hi, Unofficially Yours please.

"Yung 4:10, Ma'am? Pili kayo ng seat. One ticket lang?"

Yes, one ticket. Why are you looking at me like I'm some kind of freak? I'm alone, so what? This is like the nth movie that I've watched alone. I'm comfortable with being alone, that is not a problem. This, being alone, is a choice. If I wanted to I'm sure I could be watching this with someone right now, maybe a friend or something else. But no, I'm having a date with myself and I'm gonna be eating all these cookies alone.

If I wanted to I could just ping that person, start a conversation, and you know what happens next. Oh wait, I already did -- small talks and awkward conversations, ugh, not in the mood. Or that other person. But I said never again to guys like him/his type. Or that other, other person. But thou shall never mix work and fun. Or that other, other, other person. Nah, no options anymore.

Alright, so maybe it's not so much a decision as a coincidence. Or whatever. But I have friends and family who love me, and will be there for me, and will watch the movie with me if I wanted to have someone by my side. These are the people that I'll be celebrating my birthday with. So yeah, being alone is still my choice.

Ugh, I'm turning 21 in 13ish days.

Of course I didn't say all this to the ticket lady. Just a conversation I had with her, in my head.

Thursday, February 16

Lies I tell myself to be able to sleep at night

I'm a thinker.

I have all these anxieties because this voice inside my head just won't stop bugging me with its buck load of craziness and paranoia. I'm a thinker who finds it utterly hard to put my thoughts into words; I do better in writing but seriously poor in speaking -- thinking and talking at the same time, not my best asset.

So yes, every night, unless I'm dead tired or dead drunk, I'd have to forcefully tame all these things in my head with words that are as cliche as hating on Valentine's Day. This is an ode to all these thoughts that keep me sane.
  1. Everything is going to be alright.
  2. You are not alone; you just think you are.
  3. You are not alone; you're independent.
  4. It's not about the money.
  5. You are lucky to have all these blessings.
  6. You don't need to have it all figured out now.
  7. There's no need to rush.
  8. Everything is going to be alright.
  9. You'll find time soon, for all the things that you really want to do.
  10. That stability you've been hoping to have will come soon.
  11. You just need to finish all these trivial tasks then you'll finally have focus.
  12. It's okay to be mean once in a while.
  13. They've forgotten about it already.
  14. You just need to lay everything out, get organized, then you'll achieve everything.
  15. You have a bright future ahead.
  16. You won't be alone in that bright future.
  17. And so what if you are? Go get yourself a goldfish.
  18. It's okay that you still can't drive.
  19. It's okay to slack off once in a while.
  20. It's okay that you're not perfect. No one is.
  21. It's okay to eat.
  22. It's okay to be happy.
  23. It's okay to let new people enter your life.
  24. Not everyone is out to get you.
  25. Everything is going to be alright.
So maybe not all lies. Just some.

Wednesday, February 8

I was supposed to. But.

I was supposed to write about how my preference to only date people with cars does not go against my being a "feminist", but then again that really isn't necessarily true and from whatever point-of-view I would only look like a superficial and materialistic person (untrue), even with arguments like how women have always been objectified ever since the beginning of time and it is about time that we all play in a level field, how patriarchy has acculturated gender-specific forms of violence to this society so intricately that some people do not even realize that they are committing such a crime and a car can protect me from such (because I don't have one at the moment, the person I will be dating should considering the sense of partnership that we shall have), and how I value my personal space so much and thoroughly sharing it with a person that I would like to be intimate with is just not possible in public transportation.

I was supposed to stop at some point in that paragraph and put some period or semi-colons but I like long, poorly-constructed sentences, and honestly I never know when or where to stop.

I was supposed to finish all my academic and professional backlog last weekend but I chose to pamper myself, party like I was still in college, and have a piercing headache the day after. I do not regret choosing to have fun, at all. Note to self: I will not, ever.

I was supposed to be a good friend but instead I was mean and kind of said some bad stuff behind someone's back and got busted. I regret this and I will never stop regretting this.

I was supposed to be on a strict diet because my tummy's getting back to its old self again but then there's Sicillian Pizza in my building now and their White Cheese pizza is something I can eat until I die. And how can anyone stop eating potato chips and nutella? This, I have to learn how to regret.

I was supposed to hold an event today but then again life happens and instead I'm choosing not to do anything.

But when the going gets tough, the tough posts pictures. Say whut.

From Click D' Fun Photobooth. Pictures are arranged chronologically, or more of from we just had dinner to yes we're getting tipsy and eventually to I do not remember this picture at all.

From Kapao Design and Photography, our official photographer. Same arrangement of pictures. SMITTEN: Rekindle the Love, our sorority's annual college party was seriously epic. And I'm not trying to make buhat our own bangko. No, not conyo.