We gain some then lose some. We lose some then gain some.

How I wish it's my weight that we'll be talking about in here.

If you are my Facebook friend and/or Twitter follower, you would know that just last week, the jeep I was riding on my way to UP got held up. For the first time ever, someone pointed a knife at me and it wasn't funny at all.

I was carrying with me all the most valuable material things that I have in my life right now so when they asked for my phone, I obediently gave it to them. Ha, your loss b*st*rds. I just got that for free from Globe and the trackpad is crazy and my mom had it blocked already.

So yes, for quite a few days, I was feeling (and acting) crazy and I had no phone with me. My number's active again now, though. I lost something, kind of violently, but gained a lot instead.

I gained freedom from the need to respond to people immediately. You could say I was kind of off the radar, whenever I didn't have internet access, and it was awesome. I gained perspective. Life is like a box of chocolates; you'll never know what you're gonna get. Life is short; live it. Life is random and so am I. But most importantly, I gained recognition of those people who truly, really care. When your down and troubled and you need a helping hand, the people who would seek you, without the need for you to seek them, are the people who will love you through heaven and hell. Or not.

Oh what a cliche my words are.

So now, what's my point.

My point is that we live in a disheartening world. Those guys who took my phone, along with the others', are just kids (maybe not kid-kid, like 15-17 years old kids but still, kids). Kids who are forced to resolve to crime and violence just so they would be able to live. Kids whose childhoods and innocence are gone forever. Kids, just kids.

But there is hope, for them and for this world. How can I say that? I don't know. Maybe because I'm still alive and kicking butts.

The obligatory birthday post in lieu of the International Women's Day

I (finally) turned 21 last Sunday and the way I celebrated that day had me thinking and looking in an all new perspective.

21 days before I turned 21, I was planning to throw a kiddie party for some children in Subic. Unfortunately, my academic schedule (and steep bank account) would not permit me to do so, so I thought of having the day to myself. I have been trying to look for silent retreats, days of cleansing, all other activities just so I could feel the "surreal" but none would ever fit into my calendar.

And then I realized, why all these pressure to do something worthwhile and memorable on my birthday? Am I really celebrating the fact that I am just/already 21 years old?

I have got no freakin' answer for any of my freakin' questions so I stopped thinking and flowed with life until the clock stroke 12, March 4 while I was in a car with my sorority sisters, driving along Katipunan Extension, looking for a good place to drink and meet people. Why don't we just stop at that? Let us not discuss further what went on after 12 midnight. I can say this though: my family brought me to a place where there is not much vegetarian choices for my birthday lunch. So much for making it my day.

So what was my point again when I started writing this? Oh yes, I'm 21, I always feel so pressured to celebrate my birthday, I put high expectations on people who never fail to disappoint, and I am nowhere far from the person that I was when I was 20, aka March 3.

But this is not to be ingrata. If you have been reading my blog for a while now, you would see how thankful I am to the universe, to all these people in my life, and to myself for making me the happiest that I have ever been (or so I think). It's really just that birthdays now feel like they are just for kids.

Birthdays are overrated. Violence against women (children and the environment) is not. Here's to hoping that we make everyday women's day. Now where did that come from.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire?

Somebody's feeling Grinch-y this season. And as much as I would like to blame this to this country's failures (roll credits: the government, the "destabilization" of the Supreme Court, the people dying from tobacco-induced diseases, the cases of VAW in the country, and a whole lot more), well I won't because I really don't. I just want to take last Saturday back because it freakin' moved me back to where I was a few months ago. F.

The cold season is making me fat and sad. I eat when I'm sad so I turn fat which also makes me sad. But 'tis the season to be jolly so I must find this thing that they say is the true meaning of Christmas deep down in my heart.

And because my feelings pass as easy and as fast as the wind blows, I am suddenly all so excited for 2012. Now tell me who's random.

I guess a little laugh trip over some friends' photo album documenting their chat roulette escapades on facebook can actually give a person a different perspective, a different sense of life. That sounded shallow. But it's true; they actually kind of made my lazy day.

Suddenly, I don't feel any pressure to know what will happen next. Suddenly, I don't feel the need to plan what tomorrow should bring. Suddenly, I don't feel it's important to already be with somebody. I have this whole life ahead of me and I know everything will fall into their rightful places. I just know it.

It's too early to make a goodbye 2011 post but I just really need to say it now - 2012 is going to be awesome and I cannot wait for whatever is in store. Guess this one shifted this blog's gear back to happyland.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Situations.

Obviously, I have follow through issues.

I have abandoned this blog for almost a month just because. I have been meaning to write but it's just so easier to dodge these voices inside my head. I probably have abandonment issues and I blame my herstory for it.

Moving forward -- my honeymoon life phase is over. After two months of utmost happiness and contentment, I am done with feeling happy and giddy all day, everyday. It doesn't mean I've suddenly turned ingrata though; I am still very much thankful and forever grateful for all the blessings that have been poured down on me lately and all suddenly by this great universe. It's just that I know now (and have accepted the fact) that it can't be Christmas everyday and that's alright because there are always those little things that we can all be happy about every now and then.

So why the urge to write today?

Because I just can't stop, at least not anymore. I am such an avoider and I have this perfect notion of life that when something effs up, I go the other way. No, that cannot and would not happen anymore. Plus I have all these feelings, and if there's one true thing about me and writing, it's that I produce quality outputs when I'm feeling everything.

So from crazy happy blog to dramafest again? No, I will not allow that.
So why am I still rambling and talking to myself? I don't know. Maybe I just want to put up some transition post or something.

But on other things, I just started with the General Motors diet today to cleanse out my system from all those bad carbs and fats that have accumulated in my body for the past couple of weeks. I badly need to jumpstart my healthy living again and this is the way to do it. So dear friends, if anyone of you is reading this, please do not tempt me.

Also, I just scheduled an appointment with I Do Nails today so let's all look forward to that. I shall post pictures, yay.

Lastly, I must write about how my being a "feminist" does not go against my preference to only date guys with cars and my emo feelings on being alone in this holiday season aka cuddle climate.

Did I just really schedule the things that I should write about? Blogging is not your job, Erika. You're supposed to enjoy this stuff.